A text about sexism, old stereotypes and questionable habits – by Maggy BerLoon –
Who is writing here and WHY??
I´m Maggy. A woman with visions, a self-confident Looner girl, a creative entrepreneur. Since I´ve become a part of the Looner community about four years ago, I’ve made a lot of experiences. Besides a whole load of unbelievable beautiful situations with lovable people, I also had to deal with some negative and sexist experiences. Ultimately, every single one shaped my way of thinking. The topic of sexism/feminism accompanied me for a long time now. Since I was a kid, primarily when I was a teenager, I felt this strong urge to break out of old role model thinking, stereotypes, and related expectations. De facto I still feel this urge today, and that´s the main reason why I´m writing this text. I´m one of the few women, who are an active part of the Looner community. I´m one of the few Looners (no matter if women or men), who owns a real social media profile, who shows her face and who takes a stand. The fact that I have to point this out, makes me think. It shows me that there are things we should think about that we can hopefully change them in the future.
Even though we live in an age of enlightenment, there are still deeply rooted mindsets and behaviors, which are often quite naturally adapted by a lot of people unconsciously and automatically. Some of them shock me greatly. Depending on the bubble of information we are currently floating with, we only get to know one or the other side regarding this debate. Luckily, the voice of those who stand up against sexism is becoming louder, so these bubbles will hopefully burst. I found my voice as well and use it in this moment once again by describing my experiences regarding this topic from my female point of view.
Those of you who are already annoyed by this topic in general and maybe roll their eyes now when reading the words SEXISM and FEMINISM are welcome to put on the next senseless TV-Show. I guess you don’t have enough openness anyway, as well as the willingness to reflect on yourself (which are the necessary prerequisites to process my words). I don´t want to attack someone particularly, nor to pillory you. Everything I write about is related to my subjective view and experiences, which I gained so far.
However, if you´re becoming angry or pissed at some point, bullseye. I apparently hit the mark, and I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad idea if you, in particular, begin to think now. I guess a human can´t demonstrate more strength.
There are more male than female Looners!?
I often heard about this thesis and my impression is, that it´s indeed true. But for real? And if so, why is that?
Assuming there are more male Looners. Maybe that´s just because men have the early opportunity to confront themselves with their sexuality and needs; historically speaking. Most porn films, magazines, etc. were made by and for men. It´s natural in our society that men confront themselves with their sexual pleasures, satisfy them and talk about them with others. Hey, that´s more than just okay. I would have wished for such a positive, open and confident handling of one´s sexuality for us girls as well and I honestly still do.
Thanks to outmoded gender stereotypes and to the old-school erotic branch, women became a natural object of sexual desire to the opposite sex. But what about our needs, our fantasies, and our intimate desires? Talking openly about sex without any judgment is not taken for granted for many women. Silence, shame, and evaluations of any kind are still there. What would you think if I told you that I regularly consume porn and masturbate since I´m a young teenage girl? Imagine that I am still enjoying those things and at the same time I´m in a happy and satisfying relationship. Luckily the porn industry is changing, too. And thanks to Erika Lust and Co there is more interesting, authentic, high-grade and very attractive sex-positive content. For example, there are films/porn sites with real people, who enjoy themselves (XConfessions, Ersties, luciemakesporn, Lustery) or magazines (Math Mag), blogs (welovegoodsex, COMECURIOUS) made by women. Porn, which doesn’t show us an illusory world with sexist stereotypes. Porn, which doesn’t only exist to please men´s desires. So, women can identify with it, because now it´s all about satisfying the desires of BOTH parties. It´s more authentic and with real emotions.
So, it´s probably the case that there might be quite a lot of Looner girls out there, who just don´t know that they have this preference because they never were really able to explore their sexuality.
Another possibility is, that they just want to keep it for themselves and prefer to enjoy their fetish privately. Crazy huh!? (-> be aware of irony)
Not everyone feels the need for creating a social media profile to exchange thoughts, experiences, etc.. Of course not! From my point of view, this is an increased form of openness, and of course, everyone should decide on their own, how far they’ll go and which kind of transparency feels good to them. Because after all, sexuality is the most intimate and personal thing there is. That´s why it´s more than just okay to talk about and enjoy your passion with trusted persons. Period. The most important thing is, being honest with yourself without any judgment, shame, and fear. Self-esteem is the keyword. When you start thinking like this, you can just ignore the opinion of others. It´s okay to feel needs; it´s okay to love yourself and to do whatever makes you happy. It´s more than just okay since we only have this one life. So, make something of it!
But, it´s also possible, that women created a social media Looner profile, but deleted it again thanks to the reactions. Unfortunately, I observed this behavior quite often in the past. In this context, I often read „it´s too much for me“. That´s a pity. Because it happened that women also start to confront themselves with their sexuality and some even look openly for like-minded people. But since women are often just seen as an apparent object of desire, an open-minded and value-free exchange isn´t possible in this case and can become a challenging ordeal.
Women are no fair game. We´re not a simple sex object!
Beforehand, let me give you a short impression of things that can happen when a Loonette becomes a new member of the social media community (of course, this does not principally measure for everybody):
Male Looners often use an entirely anonymous profile, where everything (name, picture, description, sometimes even gender) is fake. Even if not, the internet provides us with a natural anonymity. Well, it´s not uncommon that such fake profiles ask Looner girls to come out DIRECTLY with some private and personal details. „What do you do with balloons? Can you send me a picture and make a video for me?“. They don´t ask such questions after getting to know each other, no, it´s often the first thing Lonettes have to read. A nice „Hello, I´m…“ is mostly missing as well. Instead, they´re like „ Hey, Baby“ or „Hi sexy, nice things you´ve got there“ (Balloons? Tits?WTF?). But, hey, at least they sometimes use the word „please“. „Would you please send me some naked pics of you? No? Why? But why not? …(silence)… Hello??? But please!!?“. Complete sentences are rarely used, and often one word seems to be enough. If there´s still no reaction, it can get pushy, and for example, a lot of question marks will follow. I mean, sure, how rude of those women not to respond and to please men´s desires, right!? (Attention, irony…) Seriously, what´s the deal with that? That´s how you degrade women to a simple sex object. It´s really strange, that women are not interested, isn´t it!?
How to deal with it? I made the experience that it´s better to ignore and to be above such things. That´s what I also recommend to other ladies who are struggling with this and ask me for help. But should this be the consequence? Somehow I think it´s sad that women acquiesce such outrageous behavior with ignorance and accept it. Sure, there´s also the possibility to block such profiles, but this doesn’t make a difference except for one´s list of blocked people getting longer and longer. So, what to do? You could also react by making a statement of course. But isn´t this exactly what this person wants? I´m talking about attention?! Women invest energy and time into a message which they hope will make this person start to think about their behavior, understand the problem, apologize for it and change it at best.
But what if this person gets aroused just by writing with you? If his intention was just to get your attention and maybe to provoke you? I suppose we´ll never get to know the exact motives in detail. The only thing we do know is that it might feel right to make a statement, but in the end, you just wasted your time and energy. Don´t get me wrong; I think it´s good and extremely important to speak out, prove integrity and to not put up with everything. Especially regarding sexism. But often such particular chats just lead to endless discussions, which won’t make you feel happy at all. Most of the times you are just angrier in the end. So, maybe it´s better just to leave it as it is, don’t provide such rude behavior with a stage, ignore and block it. Or just go with a short statement and then say Bye Bye, but don´t let this behavior overrule you so that it wins.
Let´s walk through it step by step:
When a female Looner girl becomes part of our social media balloon fetish community and uses a real authentic profile, she receives tons of requests from male Looners with mostly fake profiles and from fake women. Maybe such Looner girls are happy about it and feel flattered at first. But when explicit, as well as shameless and outrageously inviting messages, become more and more, this might turn out to become exhausting and annoying. The consequence often is ignorance, blocking such people, creating a fake profile yourself or merely delete everything. Great. So, nobody benefits, neither women nor men and especially not the Looner community.
Cheated to by others with fake profiles…
As mentioned above, a lot of people with fake profiles are active in our Looner online community. First, here´s my definition of a fake profile: fake picture (perhaps stolen from others and without any tag, link or credit to the owner), an utterly wrong description (if there´s any in the first place). All in all, EVERYTHING is FAKE! A lot of Looners use a fantasy name, but everything else is real and authentic. That´s not a fake profile in my point of view.
WHY a fake profile? So, nobody gets a clue who´s behind all this? Maybe you are afraid a co-worker or someone else notices you and finds out about your fetish, which would be a total disaster, and everything goes downhill from there!? A fake profile must be the only possibility. Motives are for sure individually diverse. Yes, the balloon fetish is not that well-known and taken for granted as other sexual preferences are, like the latex fetish, foot fetish or BDSM for example. To handle such an intimate thing openly is not necessary of course. It´s only relevant, to be honest with yourself and your partner. Sure, everybody should decide on where their limits are for themselves, and so should you! This is good and highly important if you want to protect your person and your privacy. Everyone should confront themselves with this topic.
Anonymity provides us with freedom. So, it seems to be more comfortable to open up by using a false identity. But it also provides us with the freedom to behave wholly bold and rude. Intentions are completely different and can’t often be recognized at first sight.
That´s why at first caution and skepticism is essential. But besides that I also want you to think about the following thing: Isn´t your own identity in particular important to get to know others and to start an open exchange? Is this extent of falsehood really necessary? Isn´t it sufficient that you use a private profile, maybe also combined with a fantasy name/picture and decide for yourself, who you allow to see your posts, which requests you accept and with whom you start a conversation with or not?
The mass of fake profiles seems odd and discouraging. Especially when you are a newcomer or a female Looner, and you get bombed with requests by such profiles. That doesn’t reflect well on our Looner community, which is sad since besides all these fake profiles there are also a lot of open-minded and lovable Looners as well, of course. But thanks to all of the fake profiles it can be quite tricky and frustrating to find those friendly personalities and to get in touch with them. I mean, almost every one of us knows how liberating it might be to see like-minded people and to exchange for the first time. So, why the hell, do we make it so hard for us and for others? Why do we embody and promote that it´s better to hide? Do we not put ourselves in a closet and stigmatize ourselves by this? Do we not agree in some way with the voice, which is calling: „Balloon fetishists are weird freaks“ with this behavior?
If you think that the only chance to open up is to use a fake profile, that’s okay. It´s much better than living an unhappy life in quiet. But why should you insist on such a dimension of anonymity? Because doing that is a thing within the Looner community? Because of laziness? I do not understand it. Haven’t things already changed during the past years? Do we really need to hide like this? Maybe so, if everything is just about meeting your needs, fast and easy.
It´s not uncommon, those female Looners receive a picture of a balloon (with or without a male on it) by a fake profile without any comment, just the question: „What should I do with it?“. Maybe also the good old dick pic follows or Looner style: a nude photo with a balloon. If the woman doesn’t respond to this „interesting way of making contact“, question marks and pushy behavior are often the results. Unfortunately, you´ll always and everywhere find such brash people, that´s nothing new. But, it´s getting problematic, if you hope to get in contact with other Looners in a personal and open way by using a counterfeit profile and ultimately all users of fake profiles might be seen in the same way as such brash people are. This can happen quickly because it´s difficult to differentiate. How the hell should we know what or who is hiding behind a fake profile!?!
But the most irritating and problematic issue is, that a lot of male Looners are hiding behind female profiles! A possible reason might be extreme shame or men hope to get in touch with other women easier by abusing the girlfriend factor. Another possibility is that this person hopes to get the same reactions and feedback as he thinks women get.
Straightaway, I can think of a lot of various female fake profiles, which pop into my head. I have to admit, that I´m shocked by this.
Please, just stand up for your gender in real life as well as in virtual life. To delude others like this is a no-go from my point of view! Personally, I always feel somehow abused by such experiences.
So, dearest fake women, let me say this to you: us women and men are not stupid, and we notice whether you use an authentic or phony profile, some earlier and some later. Finally, there is always the google image search to bring some light into the darkness. As the saying goes: The truth always comes to light, my friends.
How do I get to know a Looner girl???
When men ask me this question, I immediately think: Why a LOONER girl? Why not just a woman?
Isn´t it all about meeting a human (maybe even more, whatever you are into of course), with whom you feel comfortable and be yourself with 100%? Where butterflies flash over and mate? With whom you get weak knees and a pleasant feeling of affection, trust, and love?
I’ve gotten the impression more and more that it´s only about finding a private custom Looner model, who simply should satisfy your needs. Hey, I mean, if she´s a Looner herself this should be an easy thing right!? In this case, your sex life must be perfect, and you don´t have to have an uncomfortable conversation (from your point of view!) with someone. There would not be the need to open up and to be afraid of an adverse judgment like you are a weird freak and this might lead to the end of the relationship. So, it´s a beautiful imagination just to find a real born Looner girl. Together you can be in seventh balloon heaven…
But who says, that this Looner girl is interested in YOU? I think it´s quite rude of you to assume that.
I don´t preclude that such an encounter is possible and if both parties are interested in each other, perfect! But I think that in most cases everything happens differently. Unpredictably and often unexplainable. There is never the guarantee for a fulfilled sex-life In the first place, just because your partner is a Looner as well. What if you are afraid of the burst, but precisely this gets her going? Or she´s just into new and fresh balloons and hates the smell of old ones, but you enjoy it to be surrounded by them all the time at your home. Or she loves the color blue while you only prefer rose!?
Sexuality is the most intimate thing there is, and needs, desires, and wishes can alter from time to time. At least they are not always the same. In order to enjoy a fulfilling sex-life for BOTH parties, it´s more than necessary to talk openly about one’s fantasies/fetishes, etc. at some point.
So, doesn´t everything depend on the human as a whole? Isn´t everything about trust and your way of communicating with each other?
In all respect, there will always be ups and downs, as well as situations where it´s important to talk to each other in a tolerant and respectful way without questioning the whole relationship in the first place, even if the sparks flew before.
So, please stop looking for THE ONE LOONER girl and stop keeping your horizon small by doing so. You better open your eyes and ears for everything that happens around you. Doesn´t everything turn out different in the end, no matter what? So, just go with the flow, see what happens next and stop striving for your perfect image. With the right person, such an imagination can´t hold up with anyway. I´m sure, that somebody who reacts with contempt, mockery and a lack of understanding when you open up about your most intimate feelings, won´t be THE RIGHT ONE.
Just to let you know: I wasn’t a Loonette myself when I met my husband Jan almost twelve years ago. I had no idea that something like a balloon fetish even existed…
If someone shares sexy pics online, it doesn’t mean that this person is also willing to share MORE with you.
Quite a lot of men and women merely enjoy taking and sharing pictures of themselves promiscuously. Some with more, some with less aesthetic aspirations. But that´s not the point. Because, as we all know, luckily tastes are different.
So, if you share an explicit picture or video, you´ll receive reactions, and those might be explicit, too. I mean, of course, if you expect something else, this would be a little bit naive. It´s not about the reactions in general, but more about how they might be like. It´s not what you say, but how you say it. Responses should be characterized by esteem and should not degrade a human to a simple object of your desire without any personality an of whom you can expect more and more and more. Every human has feelings and it would be nice if those were treated with respect.
Just because women/men like to share sexy content and handle their preferences in an open-minded and honest way, it´s not obvious that this person is interested in MORE. With „MORE“ I mean for example to produce a private custom video just for you, to meet in reality, etc..
If women and men feel joy and are happy with producing sexy Looner content like pics, videos or other explicit stuff, that´s a great thing and good for them. At this point thank you for your openness. But it´s their decision how far they’ll go, not yours. Everyone should respect that without questioning it. Scrounging is unlikable, that’s my opinion.
Last but not least: My bottom line
I´ve written a lot of my chest now, and I hope that I could inspire you to reflect and think about several issues.
Besides all the negative things, I’d like to point out that there are also equally or even more positive things to say about the Looner scene. There are a lot of lovable and inspiring people with a favorable attitude within our community. So, please do not be discouraged by the black sheep. And please, don´t let us put up with their behavior silently and let’s not accept it either. This cannot be the consequence nor the bottom line.
Furthermore, let us find our voice and together look positively into the future. Let us be loud when we notice sexist or disrespectful behavior and make us not tolerate it. Everyone should feel welcome and valued, shouldn’t they? No matter whether we are women or men, all of us are only humans, we own the same rights and should treat each other like that. It´s unacceptable that women are perceived as a pure object of desire and outdated stigmatized role models influence our behavior. It´s also not okay that fear has such a significant impact towards our actions, that we prefer to hide and get in the way of our own individual happiness. Isn´t this what everybody is looking for? To develop freely and be happy?
I´m glad and thankful that I don´t live in the 20th century anymore, where self-discovery was a privilege for the straight white male. Theoretical we could assume, that these days everyone should own this right and regardless of gender, skin color, heritage, and sexual orientation. But the different behaviors I talked about, show us that unfortunately, it´s not apparent yet. It´s my wish for the future that this changes; for all I care, step by step. If we want the fetish to find its profoundly rooted place in our society, shame to scram and a growing Looner-community involving men and women, we need to say goodbye to sexist behavior, train ourselves in self-acceptance and meet each other with tolerance and respect.
Even if this sounds cheesy now, it´s never too late to change the world. At least not when you start with your own world, which happens to be in your head. I´m convinced of that!
For those of you, who made it this far, THANK YOU for reading this text!