Find out more about the lifestyle of the sex-positive dominatrix from New York and why the balloon fetish changed her life in general
I´ve often been asked if it´s possible to combine several fetishes. Yes, yes and again YES is my answer to this question! Of course, this is obviously possible, and if you open up towards this issue, this might get your personal sex life quite going. When you are into predictable sex and routines, hey, that´s just fine, the most important thing is that you are happy. But for a lot of others, this might open up new possibilities and other ways of thinking, no matter whether you are a woman or a man. I think “sex-positive” might be the right keyword at this point.
Currently, the balloon fetish enters other areas of the erotic branches more and more, and a lot of interested, curious and open-minded people are joining us.
Maybe the best example that old stereotyped thinking is out of place in our today´s world of erotic might be the dominatrix “Mistress Couple” (31 years) from New York City. She embodies the sex-positive free spirit of our modern society par excellence.
Since the year 2013, she is the keeper and head mistress of “La Domaine Esemar BDSM Training Chateau” (Albany NY), which is worldwide one of the oldest BDSM chateaus. Imposingly honest she answered us some particular questions for LOONERS UNITED and lo and behold, she is not a looner newcomer. But read for yourself now. ENJOY.
As a dominatrix, do you have a day-to-day life? What does it look like?
My day-to-day life very much depends on who is at the chateau or what events we are hosting that week. Sometimes it means training lifestyle slaves and aspiring Dominants, sometimes it means preparing for a wild fetish party, sometimes it means giving lectures at local universities, counseling couples on their BDSM play, doing one-on-one fetish sessions, and other times, it even involves regular tasks like running errands, cooking, spending time with friends, and relaxing! Amongst everything else that I do, self-care is very important. My favorite way to relax is by mushroom foraging for edible mushrooms like Chanterelles in the woods that surround the chateau.
How did you become a dominatrix in the first place?
I started at La Domaine Esemar in 2010 as a submissive. At the time, I had no idea what BDSM was, or what it meant to be a Dominatrix. I was solely interested in exploring my masochism, and didn’t even realize that I had the capacity for dominance! I remember being so in awe of the Dominants at the first La Domaine party that I attended. They all seemed so power-filled, so sexy, and so unafraid of their sexuality. Even more impressing was their ability to read me. It was like they knew me better than I knew myself (I now know that they were reading my body language and energetic responses). It was incredibly inspiring to witness their power and interact with them. After two years of exploring my submission, I applied for the Dominance Training program at La Domaine and was accepted as a Mistress in Training.
Over the years I have grown into my dominance. It has taken time, self-examination, and the dispelling of many misconceptions about what I thought it meant to be dominant. To me, one does not have to be cold, cruel, or disconnected in order to display their dominance and self-mastery. If a submissive that I am engaging with craves that I engage in those roles, I will consider it, but they do not have to make up my persona.
I much prefer to be a playful, teasing Domme. I am sensual yet strict, and demand high performance from my submissives. I enjoy having fun when I play, if not, why call it play? My Domme persona has developed over the years and will continue to do so, after all, underneath it all, Dominatrices are still people.
Do you remember the first time you got in touch with the balloon fetish? How did that happen and what were your thoughts?
I remember my first balloon experience very vividly. I was at an NYC Fetish Tribe party when I was about 23 or so, and it was the first one that I had attended alone. I was walking around the party watching the different scenes of people playing while I waited for my friends to show up. Most of the scenes were typical spanking, leading someone around on a leash, rope bondage….etc. but in the middle of the crowd, there was a gentleman (who went by the name BalloonHeadz) in a fire fighter Dalmatian fursuit who was blowing up balloons of all different shapes and sizes. It immediately appealed to my love of the eccentric, and my curiosity got the best of me. I walked up to him and asked him to share or explain his fetish to me. He proceeded to inflate a clear 11″ Qualatex balloon, told me to close my eyes, handed me the balloon, and asked, “What do you feel?” By this point, the club was in full swing, and I felt the vibration of the subwoofers through the balloon, almost like a pulse. I smiled. He smiled. “See… it’s alive,” he said. I will never forget the sparkle in his eye when he said that. He encouraged me to cuddle with, sit on, bounce on, hug, and kiss the balloon, and I did so for an unknown length of time. I was hooked! By the time my friends arrived, I was inside of a 6′ diameter balloon, playing with a handful of other colorful balloons that had been tossed inside with me. They were pretty shocked, but I never turned back! BalloonHeadz and I hung out a lot after that. He donated a variety of shapes and styles of balloons to my newbie stash and fed my fetish for balloons until I could afford to purchase them on my own. We had some epic balloon battles in Central Park too!
„Balloon battles“? That sound legendary, please tell me more about it!
The balloon battles were a lot of fun. We’d both show up with an assortment of balloons, tied to strings, and would get points for hitting the other person with our own balloons or popping the other person’s balloons. Usually, we’d lose track of score, and just end up laughing in a heap of popped balloons on the ground.
So let´s get back to your first balloon fetish experience. How was this for you personally?
It was really amazing. As a visual artist, the colors and shapes appealed to me greatly. As a sensualist, the texture and smell of the latex were intoxicating. As a sadist, the possibility of popping the balloon was enticing. Most importantly, as someone who was a survivor of sexual abuse, the balloon gave me the ability to have intimacy with something without the anxiety and fear produced by the agency of a human being. The fact that I was completely in control of my own sexual experience with the balloon was very healing to me, and a major contributor to my ability to have intercourse with other humans again today.
What do you like about balloons? Any particular preferences? Also regarding type and brand?
What DON’T do I love about balloons? I absolutely love the colors and textures and smells. I love the anticipation of the pop, it’s always a surprise! I recently have been really interested in balloon bondage or balloon clothing made from folding balloons, they’re incredibly versatile and surprisingly immobilizing! Most of all, I love giant balloons. The bigger and bouncier the better! As far as brands go, I’m partial to Qualatex and BALLOONS UNITED! I absolutely love the fun shapes like the ducks and bunnies from BALLOONS UNITED. My new balloon friends go crazy for those!
Personally, what makes you go crazy? Do you have a particular fetish yourself?
I have a variety of kinks, but I like to say that anything eccentric and colorful and strange appeals to me. I absolutely love Vore/Femcan role play, sploshing/ wet and mess play, pony play and other types of pet play. As a Pro Domme, I specialize in impact play using bullwhips, and floggers as well as slave protocol training. But above all, I really enjoy the connection. The types of play and implements are just tools that I use to enhance the connection between myself and whoever I am playing with. At the end of the day, we all want to share our fetishes and kinks in a way where we feel seen and accepted for them, rather than judged. If I can provide that for someone, then I feel that it has been a productive and satisfying fetish session.
I suppose you get in touch with a lot of different kinks and many inspiring people. What was your most exciting experience? Any regrets so far? Something you want to try in the future?
Schwanendreher is the mid-German word for the person who cooks a swan by turning it on a spit. In the fetish world, it is the world for role play of a ritualistic cannibal act involving the roasting of another human being. Other terms for it are “Dolcett” and “Chef” fantasies. Since my very first visit to La Domaine Esemar, I have been fascinated with the Schwanendreher fetish. During my tour of the grounds, I was perplexed and aroused when I saw the giant metal spit near the fire pit in the backyard of the chateau. Did they really cook people here? I listened to previous Head Master R and Mistress Collette’s accounts of previous roasts in lust and awe.
Eventually, I got to participate in the roasting of 2 victims and even being the victim myself! If you’re curious to know more about this, find me on Fetlife or check out the blog page on my website! Each of the roasts was incredibly unique erotic experiences. I am hoping to host another roast as a theatrical ritual next summer. It’s becoming one of the majorly popular events that we do at La Domaine! This year we are not having one (due to lack of a victim!), and I have heard plenty of complaints from our constituents.
As a woman working in the erotic branch, did you ever had to deal with a challenging situation? Any wishes for society regarding this topic?
Doing sessions with conservative clients has been a challenge for me since Donald Trump has taken office. On the one hand, I do not want to be sexualized by people who are voting to take away my rights. On the other hand, taking their money and redistributing it to queer people of color, especially my fellow sex workers, and others who are suffering because of this administration seems like a more effective form of resistance than refusing the sessions. It’s a double edged sword.
Above all, my career as a dominatrix has allowed me to embrace my belief in female supremacy. I am a feminist, I support the fall of the white male patriarchy and the underlying misogyny and bigotry that comes with it.
Do you have specific plans for the future, which you would like to share?
There’s too much excitement in my life to plan ahead any more than a week at a time. I do have a few writing and film projects in the works as well as hopes to do my first European tour, so stay tuned!