Countless times I´ve been asked in the past: „Maggy, how should I tell my partner that I have a fetish for balloons!?“. Since I´m not a couples therapist or an expert corresponding to this topic I can´t tell you THE solution or give exact instructions. But I can try to give you food for thought and maybe some little tipps. At least I can bolster you up.
Where is the cause?
The question is: Where do such inhibitions and problems to open up about your fetish come from? Is it the fear of rejection? Is it the fear of being alone? Low self confidence? This might all be an explanation, but in the end it’s absolutely individual and a lot of factors can play an important role. What I want to say? Everyone who feels addressed in some way now should just think about where his own inhibitions might come from. Sometimes it’s easier to find a new way after recognizing the „problem“.
Love yourself and find your path
Of course everyone should decide for their own how to deal with his preferences. I mean weather it’s in an open way or not or with whom you talk about it. After all it’s the most intim thing ever. As long as you find a way which makes you really happy and satisfied everything is great. But if you don’t, then change something. It’s as simple as that. Friends, you only live once. So don’t waste your time and take the risk to get happy. Primarily you are responsible for your own happiness. Just start to accept and to appreciate yourself and your fetish. To talk to someone about that might be a first step to the right direction.
Go for it and don’t wait too long
It has to be the right moment!? I_m saying that’s bullshit! Because how does the right moment look like and isn’t it just an excuse to be able to always postpone it in the first place? I think the perfect moment is only an illusion. All depends on your own perspective and if you want to you can always find something to complain about.
So don’t wait for that perfect moment. The danger is just too high to waste too much time in the meantime, maybe days, weeks, months or even several years. I can’t imagine this behavior enriches a relationship and I suppose it’s quite the opposite. Just imagine the following situation: You are in a relationship for quite a long time now which is characterized of honesty and trust. At least you think so. Everything is fine and wonderful. Than you find out about your partner’s fetish for the first time. How would you feel?
So I can just speak for myself, but I suppose I would be greatly surprised, shocked and probably a little bit angry. But most I would be sad. Big times. Sad about the fact that my partner (of whom I thought he would be honest with me) didn’t entrust his inner feelings to me. This would tear a hole in our relationship, which would have to be repaired again. Of course no impossible thing. Together you can manage A LOT, but there’s also another way. Such a situations can be avoided easily, if you talk with each other early.
THE RIGHT one!?
To tell your partner about your own fetish is the most intim and personal thing you can do. This is a huge display of trust and can bring two people closer and weld them together. I remember well when Jan told me about his preference for the first time. I was so touched and felt more and more in love with him and not because I found the fetish cool (At this point I couldn’t do much with it. I’ve never heard a thing about the balloon fetish before and I didn’t know weather I would like it myself or not!). It was just that I appreciated it a lot that he trusted me and opened up. So if you live out the fetish together afterwards or just try it once or you find together another way of dealing with it: this is up to you and can be very differently. But I think the most important thing is to accept and to RESPECT each other. With your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks and your kinks.
Yes, maybe this might sound cheesy and dreamy for some of you, I don’t care, because I believe in real love, however this might look like.
Maybe some of you think right now: „But what if it doesn’t come out that way? When there is a negative reaction? And so on and on and on???“ Friends, what is it then? Maybe this is a crushing knowledge at first, but I simply think it’s not THE RIGHT one then. I can only think of one thing in this case: If you don’t try, you’ll never know and maybe you’ll think about it your whole life. Afterwards you are always smarter.
Do you know your partner’s preferences? Asking might be a good start to talk about sex stuff…
I admit that I also had my problems to confront myself with my own sexuality and to appreciate my own person. After Jan told me with a trembling voice about his balloon fetish I didn’t only appreciated it, it also encouraged me to do the same thing. In particular to deal with my own feelings, to accept myself and to communicate my needs. That’s how we emerged to such open-minded people, which we are today and I suppose these development will continue our whole life. In which direction remains to be seen.
To sum up, I shall say that it’s not a matter of you „outing yourself towards your partner“, it’s about making your common sex life a subject of discussion and exploring it together. Possibly you carry too much about yourself and your fetish and it happens to be something inside your partner, which you don’t know a thing about. Did you thought about that before?
This also might be a great start to talk about your common sex life in the first place: Just ask about hers/his preferences! Ask her/him if there is something special she/he is into or would like to try one day. Are you once in the topic, it’s your chance to open up. Well and then just wait and see what happens. If there will be a strange glance, an unpleasant word or something, don’t loose your composure. Surprised reactions can have a different look and doesn’t tell a thing about the actual point of view. It’s much more important how both of you treat each other in a long term.
Head off. Talk. And just do it.
It’s not about convincing and align oneself to each other to become some sort of copy. It’s rather about getting to know each other, maybe also yourself and to treat each other with great respect and of course: that your partner understands that you can’t switch and turn off your feelings. Everything else will develop by itself. It’s just important that you treat your partner just in the way you like to be treated: understandingly and respectfully. That’s it. Give her/him time if needed and don’t put her/him under pressure. Point out your needs and talk open and honest about them. Tell your partner about your feelings and your fears, no matter how banal they might be for yourself. Because someone who doesn’t talk, can’t be helped.
So it is like with everything else in life, the most important things are to: talk, talk, talk, to find ways and solutions together and don’t have big expectations (I know, sometimes this is easier said than done). Try it out, see it as an experiment, when you try something new and see afterwards if it’s cool for both of you or not. This might be a lifelong lasting process and maybe things/thoughts/needs change from time to time (this is my personal experience). But just do it and don’t think toooo much about it, because lovely people:
It’s JUST BALLOONS. Harmless.
In the end I have to tell you one sentence, which I can’t get out of my head. It encountered me lately and I think it’s really matching at this point:
Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you’ll never know who would love the person you hide.
Over and out.